I Miss My Friends But Do They Miss Me As Well?

Time Check: 5.15 am JST

No, I am not really on JST; it was just a habit that I can't seem to remove for years already. I know I should be reading time in PH time [GMT +8:00, so you know], but my heart reprimands my head to stick with JST/KST.

Current Mood: tears are overflowing over people that were part of my being for years prior the current. They're still part of my being, in one way or another, but the loss of contact and everything in-between is what makes me cry at this ungodly hour. The soju, which I wholly consumed earlier, had nothing to do with this feeling.

I brought this feeling upon me myself, in all honesty. I was only checking my Facebook account [for God's sake, I shouldn't do this anymore since I told myself I'm totally done with it], looked who reacted/commented on my current display picture [towhich was more than a month-old pic, if I may say], then saw some people that I am close with, commenting after a long time of no connection.

Then it dawned upon me: how I miss people that I thought will be with me through this lifetime. \

Don't get me wrong: I don't regard my friendship as light as it seems; heck, I even treat my friends as my family and my family as my friends.

But then again, I am not sure if this is only me, regarding the connection as such. Do they miss me the same way I miss them? Not to mention, I have this habit of pushing people away from me to check if they will fight their way back to me. In all honesty, only a few, a handful perhaps, stood this test of time [and also mine]. 

Am I the only one like this? Should I blame myself for feeling lonely when I push people away from me? I do get episodes of this, like now, then I would be back to normal, welcoming my friends as if nothing had happened.

I thought I am totally fine being alone. I actually am. But being lonely is a different issue.

I'm missing my friends yet I don't know if they miss me the same way I am to them. And it sucks. Big time!

Will I have someone tell me 'I miss you so much!' as well?

I hope I do, in all seriousness.

Time check: 5.32 am JST and still tearing up