5.05.2015

The Facade and The Reverse

No one has ever seen the tears behind the smiles.

No one has ever been there to console nor to condone.

No one has... and no one will.

...

I want to do something, something that is not normal; something that I want to do because I love it; something that I want to share to the world.

Why can't people understand that I am not all about the licenses, the paper works, and the numbers.

I am meant for something.

And that is something I want to work out on.

You see, my first love is Law yet it is something I do not want to pursue as of this moment.

If ever I get to study, it's gotta be Asian Studies, or to be more specific, Japanese Studies.
I really want to learn more about the Japanese Culture.

If not now, when? If I don't do it now, when?

I have been in a number of crossroads and this has been always my question to myself: Am I happy with the way my life goes, provided that I am stuck in the office, doing something that I am not enjoying at all?

The answer is no.

There has been so many road blocks, so many detours, yet I always go back to Point 0: Point of Regret.

I regretted that I didn't inquire about Asian Studies; I regretted not taking an entrance exam to colleges that offer it; I regretted that I didn't push through with it despite the fact that I do not want to continue studying Accountancy yet I was able to finish it.

Leave the regrets behind. I am now here and I do not want to waste time thinking hard.

Since I am self-studying Nihonggo since High school and due to the fact that I lack practice, I end up remembering the most basic words that I could know. I tested my Nihonggo skills last year during our trip in Japan and I admit that I speak so broke. That was the time I fully decided to take up the challenge of studying Nihonggo and take up JLPT no matter what it takes.

It just hurts me a lot that people who I thought will support me doesn't support me at all, saying hurtful words not just about me but about everything.

If no one will support me in my endeavors, I just have to support myself then.