I Am In A Quarter Life Crisis And I Am Not Gonna Conceal It Anymore

Since I was on-leave at work due to excessive OTs and stressed brought by my work and what else, I decided to somewhat surf the net and make myself busy, even for awhile.

Basically, I got nothing to do but to rest.

But the more I realize I am alone in this house the more I feel sad, to which I am afraid will lead to depression if I haven't opened my TP and began surfing online. Thank you for technology!

I stumbled upon 25 Pictures That Will Make You Believe in True Love [see it here] that was on my Facebook timeline then saw another set of pictures before finally seeing this incredible post that summed up all the feelings that I had these recent months.

"Are You Having A Quarter Life Crisis?", so says the post. Hesitant as I may be, I decided to click on the link, provided that it's not some phishing site [I have to make sure of that first] then it brought me to a video post. I played it, waited for it to load, and finished it. I even replayed it to see that I understood what the video is trying to tell me.

Then I stopped what I was doing.

And there was an Eureka moment.

That was just moments ago.

It made me realized that indeed I was in the middle of a crisis.

My friends tweeted me about it, saying that I am in a midlife crisis or some sort. I disagreed to them, saying that I am just questioning myself about my life, my path, and my what-ifs and what-nots. Yeah, they all seemed to be excuses I made because I really do not grasp the fact that I am having a crisis.

Not until now.

The video opened my eyes, as if it was really talking to me, as if it knows me personally and knows what I am going through right now.

Its end note? Relax. Take a deep breathe. Everything's gonna be fine.

And I did.

Sure it didn't give any concrete solutions to what I am going through. Sure it did't give out any nicer  or better advice [or more appropriate, if you know what I mean], but having it say those encouraging words, it made me turn around.

Somehow, my perspective changed.

And I found myself writing about this here in my blog.

Yes, I now admit. I do have a crisis that I was hiding for so long that it does want to burst out from me already. I even blogged about it indirectly in my previous posts but only now do I say that I am in the middle of the crossroad to which I do not know where to go.

Letting it go out here won't change anything, I know. But what matters the most is that I am not concealing it anymore to avoid any inner complications. Maybe because I am more attracted to get sick because I am sick from inside and I do not even acknowledge it.

To end this post for now, I'm embedding the video that made me awake to this crisis. And yes, I'm sharing it to all to help, since I'm not alone in this boat.


Lost and Lonely

I find myself typing words that I commonly share to others personally, either via SNS or thru phone calls and messages.

Due to rapid changes in my life recently and never-ending activities that make me dead tired, I wasn't able to update this one channel I have. And now, I see myself alone.

Don't get me wrong. I am literally not alone. It's the emptiness within me that makes me feel such. I've already expressed this a number of times to a handful of friends that I could confide to. They gave me various responses to this dilemma that I have. Yes, I tried them; they made me feel ok, but only for a short time.

If only there was an available Lactulose for such emotion then I would have probably bought it already from the nearest pharmacy.

I see myself standing in a long, dark, and winding road, with no one beside me. I am alone in this journey. Yes, I have braved the previous walks for me to be able to be in my current position, but I do not know if I still have the capacity to move forward without someone guiding me.

I have friends and family to confide to but I don't think they're pretty much enough to make me move even just an inch from where I am right now. No, I am not losing hope that they would make me do so, but I think this is far from the filial touch that I have.

I do know how to read route maps and compasses but currently, I do not possess any, nor do I have a GPS on-hand. If only I have a guide to where I am supposed to be then everything will be easier.

I am longing for that helping hand to safe me from this misery. I do not want to be stuck in this situation for long. I am not good handling depression and loneliness that's why I have to get out from this road immediately.

I just don't know how.