12.23.2012

Love and Longingness

I am single.

What's worse is that I have been in such state since brith.

Yes, you read it right. I haven't gotten myself in any relationship yet. Since then. Until now.

Now, the year has almost passed and I still haven't found or met anyone that would become my 'life partner'.

I even don't have any idea if I have met him already but I just had no clues about it yet or will he still make his ways to me still.

There are times that I really do feel happy with my life. In fact, I am really with the way my life has been. Of course, I do have regrets but looking back, those have taught me valuable lessons in life.

But I also am longing to feel how life could be if I am or was in-love.

I am still pretty young. At my age, 22 [soon to be 23 this coming February], I can still say I am young. In fact, people at first thought that I was in my teens. Such compliment!

But with me in this fast-pacing world, I feel so old with my life experiences. What's worse was that I have already experience some of the hardships in life older people tend to experience in their latter years and yet I haven't felt how it is to be in-love.

Also, people younger than me, literally, have already gotten their partners. Some even have already bore or is bearing a child!

I am not complaining nor comparing. It's more of questioning 'Why them' and 'How about me'.

I should not be asking questions such as those but I cannot help but wonder. Being a natural skeptic, I ask why do things happened to them already when it should be first happened to me.

But then again, I also know for a fact that everything has its own reason and timing. And love does required someone to be rational and seasoned for this.

But if love should be like that, how come there were failed marriages and broken families? How should one keep the love burning till forever?

Days before someone messaged me up, saying that I was too happy with my life, and that I becoming used to being single. This has made an impact to me, psychologically. I really don't know how to react on this that time. I jokingly answered him but deep inside of me I was hurt. I wasn't prepared to receive comments such as that.

People also thought that I am in a relationship, being happy and outgoing. They don't believe me that I am not, and that I didn't have any ever since.

I really do want to know how people perceives me, especially the guys. Back in high school, most of my classmates' commented me as someone who intimidate others. I really don't get it and I don't even know how did I do it. Up to now I still can't fathom how did they come up with that presumption.

Am I undesirable? Am I unworthy of any love? Will I be someone who will ask for love pitifully?

One of my fears is that I grow old without experiencing love and that I grow old all by myself. I really don't want to be lonely. I can be alone but I don't want to feel lonely at all.

Honestly speaking, I am somewhat tired of being lonely. Deep inside I really do want to have a partner already. I even do want to feel how it is to be pursued by someone.

I'm getting older and older each day but I am getting more and more lonely as days pass by.

I really long for love to come. It hasn't come my way yet. I just hope it is already on its way.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

try to be visible in church, school, charitable and community activities, don't worry too much. . .

Ma. Angelie Maglana said...

thank you for your comment. i just happened to read it now.