11.19.2017

Homily about Talents

On today's homily, the priest told us that our talents are our lifetime worth of wage; we should do something with them so that once we get to face God when the time comes, we can proudly say that we have nurtured them.

So how do you get to nurture the gifts called talents? Let me enumerate them, according to what the priest said:

1. Discover and Accept your talents
Be it the skills sets that you have or the things that you want to learn, have time to get to know them. Once done, you have to accept that you can do them.

2. Develop them
Depending on the talents that you have, don't staggard them. Find time to develop them.

3. Share them
Don't keep your talents to yourselves. Let the whole world know about them. It's not bragging, it's showing your abilities to others.

4. Consecrate your Talents to the Lord
Offer all the things that you do, not just your talents, to God as He is the one who gives them to us.

Not to be holy or something but the homily today struck me. I do admit that I haven't gone to the church for quite a long timez I only get to start hearing the mass again since last week and so far, the homilies were on-point with what I'm currently experiencing in my life

Recently, I'm being active again to some of the talents and skills set that I know. One of them is dancing. I get to enroll myself in dance workshops due to personal reasons. Not to mention, some thoughts on cultivating my work-related skills sets has come upon me to perform my duties better.

Some people already noticed that I do good in some of the talents that I have or do. Just like any normal human being, I tend to get shy for them. When the priest earlier told us that you must accept people's reactions on your talents, I got hurt a bit for it's my coping mechanism to shy away from them.

The homily also made me think that it seems the universe is aligning me with the career path that I really would love to take, with some sidelines. As I've told to some, I would love to work in an environment where I could get to talk with people, not computers. Since becoming an HR Executive, not only that I get to talk to people (thru interviews), I get to talk to our employees as well for their concerns. I know for the fact that this is not really the first career choice for my course Accountancy but I do enjoy this more than being a number-cruncher.

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy numbers. I do enjoy the fact when I get to solve an equation, that there's a definite answer to each problem. I love it. However, I do get tired of just letting the numbers talk. Why can't I make myself talk more and let the numbers just support me, right?

When I started having the new role back in April, I do not only handle HR work; I also handled Finance and Admin stuff. That made me an all-around executive (however, my salary is still that for one-head only haha). People depends on me not just for HR stuff but also for everything else. It was great at first but when things start piling up, my brain could do them but my body cannot. I started to get sick more often, my sleeping patterns were in a disarray, my eating habits changed for the worst.

There might be that challenge of sharing my abilities still to others thru my workloads but it's my body that's giving up on me. Being the sickly me that I was since 2015, I cannot afford to have another check-in in the hospital soon.

Going back to talents, the reason why I shared my recent tribulations on work is bec. those skillsets that I have for work are some of the things that I want to develop and hone. I was already adivsed that we should be having training and seminars in relation to my current work and that I am so much willing to learn. Recently, I have thoughts of enrolling myself for any classes that could also help me in the workplace and in life.

I am blessed to have been given the chance to get to know my talents and use them properly. I also am grateful that I still get to discover some other hidden ones in this age. As someone who doesn't get shy away from learning new things everyday, this is an exciting phase in my life.

I didn't imagine that God will provide me a message, indicating that I am now on a good path. This might be not the correct path but i do feel that this is better than what I have walked on from the past few years.

The honily earlier is the validation that I didn't know I needed for me to push through with some of my plans. And with that, I'm thankful that I get to hear it at the right place at the right time.

8.11.2017

I am Tired. I Wanna Rest.

Have you ever encountered a moment when you were accused of doing something you really didn't do with conviction, like they're 100000% sure you did it w/o even hearing your side or knowing what happened?

Have you ever thought that maybe things were better if you just did what they accused you of rather than defending yourself from them all?

Have you ever felt that it seems you're still trying to prove to everyone that you've grown up, that you are already adulting your way, and that you are not that stupid to do such things when you have far more impt. thing in mind?

I did. And it sucks. Big time!

Seems that no matter how hard I try to do better things in life, the not-so-good ones stay for good.

As if you will never redeem yourself out of it. Ever.

I've been trying to make myself better, to mature visibly, slowly but surely, for myself, first and foremost, and that for the people in my circles.

However, why, for God's sake, are there people who keep on judging me based on what I've done in the past and not think of the other possibilities that I could have in the present?

I am getting more and more sick of this, of this life, if things like this continue to roll up their way to me.

The very person that should know me best can't even show her trust and faith in me, so probably do the others too.

Why do I have to defend muself when I literally did nothing wrong? Why do I have to be accused of something I haven't thought of doing, not even a bit of that idea came into me?

I'm tried from work every single day but this issue just drained the remaining energy out of my life charge. I haven't felt this tired even if I rendered OTs in the office for an ave. of 15 hrs per week.

I am crying silently in my room, with no one to tall to.

The only comfort that I have right now is being provided by my bed, pillows, and blanket.

I don't know what to feel, think, and do anymore.

I'm getting tired of proving myself to everyone, esp to that person.

I am tired.

I just wanna rest.